Job advert translator for software developers
Recruiter lingo to plain English
[This was first published on my blog a few years ago. I have now refreshed it and I'm re-publishing it here as I find it still relevant :)]
Over the course of my career in software development I've read thousands of job adverts and talked to hundreds of recruiters. I've learned one thing: to read between the lines. IT recruiters speak a different language to us, a language rich with subtlety and innuendo, a language which might seem simple at first but hides deeper meaning. As a service to the community I now present a handy translator from recruiter-ese to common English. Make sure you look it up next time you see the job advert of your dreams.
| What they say | What they mean |
| An exciting opportunity has come up | Exciting for us as the commission is huge, for you not so much |
| You'll be working in a dynamic environment | You'll be working all hours under the sun while requirements constantly change and managers run around like headless chickens |
| An environment that rewards achievers | Unless you work 80-hour weeks you get no bonus |
| Our client is a leader in their field | Our client thinks they're a leader in their field |
| You will be encouraged to take ownership of your projects | Success is shared, failure is all yours |
| PIng-pong, fuzzball, pool tables | We don't want you leaving the office. Ever. |
| Huge career progression opportunities | Layoffs coming in 2 months |
| A self starter who can hit the ground running | We are 10 months past the deadline and we don't have time to train you |
| Looking for an enthusiastic team-player | Your colleagues will be over-bearing sociopaths |
| A company that is disrupting the market | We don't know what disruptive really means. But we like the sound of it. |
| Need full-stack developers | You'll be expected to function as a database expert, UX consultant, middle-ware guru, application developer and deployment wizard rolled into one. But we'll still pay you only one salary. |
| They're using tried and tested, enterprise-level technologies | They're using Java EE |
| You'll be working on a complex, highly-configurable system | They're using Java EE |
| You'll occasionally need to address issues raised on the legacy system | They're using Java EE |
| The company is currently transitioning from a waterfall methodology to Agile | They don't know what Agile is but they like buzzwords |
| They are fully Agile | They have daily standups |
| Unlimited vacation | ...that we will never give you a chance to take |
| Send us your resume now so you don't miss out on this fantastic opportunity! | Bwa-ha-ha-ha-ha!! |