Why is nobody hiring me? What do I do? Having a hard time.

Hi,

So I don't really know where to start with this one. I guess I'll just start off with the basics. I am in my early 20s, didn't go to college for computer science or anything computer related for that matter. I've been writing code since 2010, originally with VB and C# then transitioning over to web development.

My first couple "jobs" were doing some "free" work for some startups that were gaining traction. I had no idea what to expect, how much money I should have been making because I was a young person, with no desire for anything other than to write code and build stuff. Actually, thinking back, fuck those people for taking advantage of a young kid, not paying a dime, so you could build your empire.

School eventually got in the way, I just stopped going, so I could learn more about programming, startups, etc.. Eventually somebody flew me out to California so I could build apps for them, another "person" that wanted to help me out. Seemed like everyone else was more focused on partying rather than actually building a business. So, I wanted to get the fuck out of there.

After that weird debacle, my first actual job was luckily with a family member, who ran a web development agency, so I was flown out to start working immediately when I had nothing else to do. I spent a couple years working for him, things were going great, until he showed up at my door and took my laptop/office keys for "not showing up", when I did damn near everything I was tasked with and MORE! To be quite honest I think I was expendable because I was getting paid dog shit. I applied to another web agency shortly after and worked there for a year before I was laid off.

Since then I've been working on Open Source stuff, volunteering in a couple communities building their websites for them. Trying to find a job. So, it's been about a year since I've had a job. I've applied to 100s of companies. I don't know what to do. Contemplated suicide. All I want to do is build stuff, but nobody seems to want me. Writing anon because I feel like I am a fake, living a pointless life.