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Hey, Marco, you can program, right? How can I create forms in Excel?

I am no Excel expert and I have to google that myself.

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Hey, Marco, you can program, right? Could you please fix that old program which has been acting up lately?

Usually written in one (or more) of the following languages: VBS, VBA, VB .NET, C#, PHP, JS, PowerShell, CMD, TSQL, MySQL, ABAP, Java, SCCM Script. Plus bad and non-existent documentation of the code and any API I have to use. Most of them are written by students (3 months of programming experience) or people who had to write it somehow, but never programmed before.

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Hey, Marco, you can program, right? Which phone should I buy?

No, it's black magic, actually. If you sacrifice your firstborn, I can find out which phone fits you best.

The myths about programming as a profession (the ones I have heard from my non-tech friends)

• I have to know a particular language really well to call myself a programmer. The problem here is, when someone is introduced to programming, they're not taught how to solve problems. Instead, they are fed syntactical sugar more often than not.
• I need to get a degree in CS to get a job as a programmer. Not true at all, I don't even have to back myself up here.
• It's tough to pick up. Again, not true at all: I think programming at its very essence is about logic and design. It's hard to get an architectural design right, but it's not really that hard a field.
• I am in my mid thirties, I can't learn to code anymore. Nope, anybody can learn how to write code.

People think making a website takes 2 minutes

One of my favs was the mother of the wife of a friend.

She: "So you are a programmer?"

He: "Yes"

She: "I have a small problem, could you help me ?"

He: "Ofc, what is the problem"

She: "Well my washing machine is not working anymore."

I just love this one ;D .... since there is an digital display on her washing machine and he's a programmer he should be able to fix it :D ....