Backend engineer with a focus on SQL performance, database reliability, and the kind of bugs that only show up at 2am on a Saturday. I spent 18 months building SlowQL, an open source SQL static analyzer with 171 rules across security, performance, reliability, compliance, quality and cost. Zero dependencies. Completely offline. Built after watching one SELECT * on a 10 million row table take down production for an entire weekend. I write about the SQL patterns that look fine in review and destroy you in production. Real incidents, real root causes, and how to catch them before they ship. If you work with databases at scale you've probably already seen most of what I write about. Hopefully a bit earlier than I did.