I do not know if developers can help you here because managing and development are in fact two different things. Usually problems stem from the fact that they both see their side of the task and think the other party has less work load. The truth is both are hard and I think if both parties would start to see the value added by the other, then harmony would have been achieved easier.
Jayme Edwards has some nice videos explaining these, I really like them:
So it boils down to this, to manage a healthy relationship: