This may be helpful (maybe not) And please don’t take it as judging, am trying to help
But there is a saying that goes by “You are as happy as (You) allow yourself to be”
So how? By appreciating what you have, you have your own apartment, your own family, you are with your kids and wife all day (and choose when not to) You have two brilliant kids with a brilliant dad and mom, you have lots of good stuff in you, what you are lacking is 1 tiny thing, appreciation
It’s always ok to do what you used to, as long as it doesn’t hurt them since your whole life should be centered around making them good kids and later on, good people
Don’t ruin the best thing you have in life just because you are little unsure about who you are
You are a Dad now, and that, my friend, is the best thing you can have in life, get them involved in what you love, have a purpose in your work to make them better, that’s how you get urself back
Indie hacker