Eoin Kavanagh
I will swear down that there are NO VIRUSES INCLUDED IN THE EXE File
And I swear that rm -rf / totally will not corrupt your Linux. Words are nothing, proof is the only thing which matters!
The system runs on batch but as shady as it sounds
Batch is not shady at all! It's great, because that would make it open-source, and we can review your code easily. The only downside I can think of is that Batch is very outdated and Windows-centric. What matters, though, is that it solves your problem and fulfills your requirements.
Also, you might want to open a new question, this time with all information and the correct link, because this question was de-listed by a moderator (probably for the reasons I outlined in my answer).